watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
