dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Naked Twister starts at high noon
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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