The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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