Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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