And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize