Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
