I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
