is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
