i think my tv is drunk
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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