i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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