evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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