Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
