Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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