Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize