I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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