they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
