Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
