He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Found your dick twin last night
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
