yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
