He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
