he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
