Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
did i walk over a car last night?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
