1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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