Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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