I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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