Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
