No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
