Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
