Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
