My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize