He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
