Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
