Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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