im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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