That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
