So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
A bitchslap is in order.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
