There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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