My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
