so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
