If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
