Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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