Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
