i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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