I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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