man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
