the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
