??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
