like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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