i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
