I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
