i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
