I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
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Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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