i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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