I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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