The police scanner is talking about you again....
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
