You can't motorboat a personality
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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