are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
