Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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