Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It's official drugs can't kill me
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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