New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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