apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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