I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the day after is always just damage control
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize