Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
