That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
