Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Small penises have feelings too.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
