i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Randomize
