You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
