That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
