Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
