Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
and you said cock pushups were impossible
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
