alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
